Cookies. Just like mom used to make?

The other day my daughters and I made cookies. We always use my mom’s recipe cause it’s the best. As the kitchen filled with laughter, the sweet smell of vanilla sugar, and flour clouds I felt so much joy. With the cookies in the oven and my girls playing upstairs I stood at the counter staring at my mom’s handwriting as tears filled my eyes. I began to think about my mom and how much I miss her and her cookies.

Then, like I had been hit with a brick, I realized I have no memories of making cookies with my mom as a child. I know cookies were made. My dad had a massive sweet tooth and I remember her making cookies almost every week since I was about 14. So where did those memories go?

I was brought back to reality by the girls running into the kitchen as the sweet sugar cookie smell floated upstairs. My happy, beautiful, healthy, safe little girls who don’t have a care in the world. The complete opposite of my childhood filled with fear, insecurity, terror.

I got thinking about it later that night. I have glimpses of happy times. My dad teaching me how to ride the bike of my dreams in the alley behind our sporting goods store. Playing baseball as a family in the big field and having a barbeque with mom’s yummy potato salad. Me burning my marshmallows no matter how hard I tried not to. I would still eat them. Helping my dad at the store and the look of pride on his face when at 5 I could calculate the sales tax in my head.

Trauma is a funny thing. It has taken things from me I don’t even realize, like the happy memories. I didn’t get to pick and choose what was lost. Thankfully, as I have been uncovering the painful memories the joyful ones are being brought to light too.


Welcome to my cozy corner of the web!

I will be exploring how trauma effects my life. The seen and unseen. How it plays a role in parenting, partnering, relationships of every kind, from my neighbor to myself.

It will be raw and sometimes messy cause that’s life. It will also be full of love and compassion, especially in the moments it is hardest. The moments when life feels overwhelming, like it could swallow me whole. I will rise up like the Phoenix and return stronger and brighter, so you can too.

This is a safe space for us to heal, grow, and learn together.

So get comfy and join me on this life changing journey to rediscover the parts I have buried so deep I forgot where they were.